Never Think
by VampiLexi
Summary: Hey, I'm new to this: I don't own the Twilight saga, any of the characters or any of the songs used. Based on the song 'Never Think' sung by Mr Rob Pattinson himself. Bella and Edward break up, my version, all human! Pretty Please R&R xxx
1. Phonecall

**Never Think**

Edward

I put down my mobile with a feeling of dread and guilt. I sighed and resumed my pacing. In the past few hours I had memorised every corner of

my bedroom and worn my carpet down to at least an inch. I couldn't help it; I was nervous.

Bella

I was excited. I had just gotten off the phone to Edward, who had asked to meet up with me later that day, normally I would've declined on such

short notice, but I just couldn't refuse him. He had left school a few months ago having finished his year, whilst I had chosen to stay in Forks High

School for an extra year in the hopes of going to university, the work-loads were so huge that we never got round to seeing each other anymore,

except on certain days that I could sacrifice my lessons; like gym-I was a danger, and I was doing my classmates a favour by not attending. But

unfortunately, the lessons only lasted an hour and more often than not, we were surrounded by other people; little pixie-like Alice, beautiful

Rosalie, bear-like crude commenting Emmet and laidback (slightly psychotic) Jasper. Since the beginning of the year, Edward and I had hardly

gotten any 'alone time', but we both knew how much we loved (and would do anything for) one another. And we were both free this weekend, I

couldn't wait.

After several different outfits, I finally settled for a pair of comfortable jeans, small, pumps, my favourite royal blue top which (judging by the

abysmal weather) would probably remain hidden by a navy hoody and huge winter coat. I examined myself in the full length mirror on the inside of

my wardrobe, decided I agreed with my outfit and began eyeing my mahogany hair. I contemplated pulling it up, but knowing full-well that it

would run awry the minute I set foot out of the door, I decided against it, leaving it to fall in brown waves just past my shoulders. With ten

minutes to go before our rendezvous, I moved onto my make-up. This, I blame Alice for; years ago I wouldn't've touched the stuff, but Edward and

his beautiful face always made me feel plain and self-conscious, though he'd never hear of it if I told him this. I kept it to a bare minimal, (just a

hint of mascara) before grabbing my mobile and keys, yelling 'bye, see you later' to Charlie, my dad and racing out the door, cursing under my

breath for being late again. I fled down the soggy street, (Forks hardly ever saw the sun) turning right at the corner and sprinted straight for the

woods to the small clearing a few yards away. Upon nearing it I noticed a figure in a grey woollen coat, hunched over on an overturned tree with

his back to me. My heart skipped in my chest and I felt a smile light my face as I recognised him. I paced forward to tap Edward on the shoulder.


	2. RendezVous

**Never Think Part 2**

Edward

I had been sat, hunched up against the cold in this small familiar clearing for the past (I checked my watch…) 5 minutes. Bella was late, but I

wasn't surprised, she was always late. Though it'd frustrated me this time. Because this time, every second counted. Every moment held

sentiment. So I'd sat. Waiting. Thinking about what I was going to do. And how every outcome of my actions today would end negatively, in

tears. I could live with it better if I thought those tears would be mine. I was just about to change my mind and walk away when a quick tap on

my shoulder brought me out of my reverie. I turned. Bella was standing behind me, smiling. That was the thing about Bella, she never looked

disappointed to see me, and she always made me feel wanted. A pang of guilt struck me like an arrow. _I_ was going to be the one to wipe that

smile off her face. I knew it, so, for a moment, I allowed myself to look at her, _really_ look at her. Her mahogany hair was being disturbed slightly

by a gentle breeze, it swirled as she walked around the tree to stand in front of me, her large winter coat hugged her slight figure, I could see

that her jeans were wet at the base that hung over her shoes as she'd run through the frosty debris of leaves and twigs to get to me. Her

chocolate eyes were warm and I could almost feel the palpable affection she was projecting through them, her eyebrows came together ever-so-

slightly at the base of her forehead as she regarded me, scrutinizing her. Her cheeks were flushed, either from the cold or from my staring at her

and her front teeth were distressing her lower lip; which started moving as she spoke. 'So….don't I get a hug?' this was a tradition of ours. I

opened my arms and pulled her to me, my arms wrapped around her shoulders as hers wrapped around my waist. She rested her head on my

chest and I placed my chin on the top of her head. This position always made me feel very protective of her, she felt so small. I heard her murmur

something about being able to hear my heartbeat, can she hear it breaking? We were breathing in sync. I listened to the sound of us exhaling

and watched it collect in the air before us, I inhaled the scent of her hair, strawberry shampoo, (that I loved, as well as the intoxicating coconut)

kissed the top of her head and closed my eyes.


	3. Embrace

**Never Think Part 3**

Bella

I loved this. I always loved it when we hugged like this, I felt cold before but in his arms I felt warm and safe. I may have imagined it but I'm sure I felt his lips on my hair. Though I can't help wondering why he assessed me before, has my mascara run? Does my hair look ridiculous?...ok, note-to-self I'm probably being way too paranoid but he'd been looking at me with such a strange expression. Apologetic but endearing at the same time, his emerald eyes had made him look as though he had desperately wanted to tell me something, but he didn't know how. I wanted to reassure him that it was ok, that he could tell me anything, but his behaviour was scaring me a little. Even now I felt sure that he was holding me tighter than usual, and _why_ had he scrutinized me? Yes, I _wanted _to tell him that he could tell me anything, but I was too afraid of what he might say.


	4. Anxiety

**Never Think Part 4**

Edward

This was too much. Knowing that I was going to have to hurt her, and still holding her like this as though promising to keep her protected and out of harms way felt like a betrayal. _I'm_ the one she needs protecting from. I broke the embrace. She looked up at me, smiling slightly, her brown eyes burnt into mine and I looked away.

'Edward, is something wrong?' she asked me. I cursed mentally. Now I had to tell her. I looked at her, at her beautiful face; the face I had loved for the past 3 years, the face that would haunt me forever after today. 'Bella, I need to talk to you' I hated the way my voice sounded, so business-like. As if I was some high authority addressing a client. So disconnected. I didn't want to feel disconnected with Bella, so I tried again, to be gentler. 'Please, sit with me?' she obliged me, her brow furrowed and her eyes questioned me as she waited fro me to speak again. 'Bella….I….' I had spent hours over the past few days trying to decide what to say in this situation. But that was playing a possible conversation in my head, but I could never decide her reactions for her. She never said what I predicted. To have her sat in front of me, oblivious to what was coming, had made me forget everything. I couldn't do it. I couldn't hurt her…

Bella

Ok, I'm nervous now. Edward said 'I need to talk to you' that has to be serious. He's lost for words, all he's said so far is 'Bella….' Whatever he wants to say, it's really paining him to do it. He's opened his mouth since then, and closed it. I don't know what to say. He looks like a drowning fish, I want to help him, but I don't know how. Whatever this is about, it's really hurting him. Realisation hit me like a blast of cold air; _holding me too tight._ oh! Please don't let him say what I think he's trying to say, _scrutinizing me. _I love him, please._ I need to talk to you' _Please! _'Bella' _Oh no; Edward had found his voice.


	5. Disbelief

Never Think Part 5

**Hey, 'tis Lexi. Thank you very much to ****littlesunshinebee**** and****twilightgal4life**** for your reviews, they're really motivating. ****twilightgal4life**** I admire your honesty,** =)** For those of you who want to find out what Edward has to say; voila!…. =D.**

**And all reviews are welcome.**

Edward

I caught myself. She's watching me with sad eyes and subconsciously wringing her hands. Oh God! What if she knows? 'Bella, I …I don't know how to say this…' her eyes are so sad. '….but I; I don't think we should…be…together…anymore' my voice cracked. I sneaked a glance at her, her head was bowed, her eyes averted from me. Oh, no. What have I done?

Bella

Please...no, I want to say 'I love you' but my throat hurts. My voice will betray me if I speak. Please, Edward I love you, don't tell me. I swore to myself I'd be happy for you if this happened and you moved on but they were just bad dreams. Don't say it....

Wow, he'd actually said it, if I hadn't've seen his lips move, I would never have believed it. He didn't want to be with me anymore. If I'd been expecting it, then my mind had been lying to me. I suddenly felt extremely heavy; I bowed my head. Everything hurt, and yet everything felt blissfully numb. So this was what it felt like to have your heart broken? Then I noticed something else, it felt as though I'd just swallowed an apple, whole. My breath came out in small gasps and my eyes stung. A wave of horror and humiliation swept over me as I realized what was happening and the dampness of my cheeks only confirmed it.


	6. Emotions

Never Think Part 6

Edward

I hate myself. She looks so hurt. I did that. I caused her that pain. I hate myself. She moved her head slightly to knock a fly-away hair out of her face and something twinkled like a diamond in the corner of her eye. Oh God! Agony. I did that. In the few years we'd been together, I'd never once seen her cry. Not once, yet here she was; Sat next to me in a small, now seemingly depressing clearing, crying because of me. The enchantment of the forest broken by a curse. She was broken. I was broken, never to be fixed. I had to say something, the eerie silence with only her intakes of breath to break it was unbearable. 'Bella, I'm so sorry...I...'

I broke off as she shook her head and whispered 'don't be. I understand' in a small voice. I wanted her to scream at me and demand to know why I'd said it, beg me to say it wasn't true. I had answers to those responses. I was not expecting this.\par

'It's OK,' she said. Her usually clear voice was small and croaky, she looked into my face and into my eyes, spoke again 'but i want you to know that I will all...' (her voice cracked) 'always love you. I always have. My priority since I fell for you was always your happiness, and I....I hope you find someone who can....fulfil that...you deserve it. You really do.' I wanted her to stop. I wanted to tell her that I wasn't worth half of what she thought I was. I wanted to tell her that I would always love her too, that I wanted her to be happy. Always. But I couldn't speak. I knew she'd cared for me, loved me and had always received her undivided attention. She was willing to let me go, for the sake of my happiness. The emotion I felt towards her then went deeper than anything else I'd ever felt before. It went deeper than my heart, further than my mind, into my soul. And before I knew it, I was kissing her.


	7. Acceptance

Never Think Part 7

Bella

I told him I would always love him, no matter what. I'd always be happy for him if he finds love elsewhere. It'll hurt for a while, but then I'll get over him, right? I was desperately trying to convince myself that this was true. Well, even if that didn't happen I would be happy for him when people could see me, then the minute I was alone I could kick and scream and cry as much as I had to. This event was inevitable, I should've seen it coming. At some point down the line, I was going to go to university somewhere, whilst he would stay home with his family. He was bound to meet someone smart, beautiful and caring, Edward walking with a Rosalie-like figure danced across my mind. He'd fall in love, marry perhaps and he'd eventually (I hiccoughed) forget about me. I wasn't sure if it was the cold wind or not that made me shiver, but it ran through my chest and vibrated my heart, which was threatening to shatter into a thousand fragments if I considered the possibilities. Lost in my reverie as Edward sat pensively beside me, I was snapped out of it as he unexpectedly kissed me.


	8. The Kiss

Never Think Part 8

Edward

I had no idea as to what I was doing and I had no concern for the consequences. I acted on impulse, I never think of my actions when I'm with her. The one thing that I knew was that I needed her then. My arms wrapped around her waist and I put one hand on the back of her head, holding her there. Her arms snaked around my neck and she kissed me back with such urgency that I had to catch my breath. This was new to us both, we'd never kissed each other this way before, with desperation. I lost myself, then I remembered; this was it. The end. The finality of it made me start. I couldn't go back on my word, I wouldn't allow myself to mess with her head that way, but I held her tighter and gave her all I was worth.

Bella

I had to catch my breath, and remind myself to inhale. Edward moved forward wrapping his arms around my waist, with one hand in my hair, holding me to him. I moved my arms around his neck and kissed him with an almost desperate enthusiasm. He didn't pull away, which surprised me, he's normally very controlled. I held him tighter, one hand on the back of his neck, the other in his hair. I was desperately trying to convey that I really didn't want him to leave through my kiss. There was no holding back between us. This was new, unexplored and I never wanted it to end, then I remembered our previous conversation, and the tears started.

Edward

At first, I though it'd started raining as a drop of water landed on my cheek. Until I opened my eyes to find that Bella was crying again. Silent tears were rolling down her cheeks from her closed eyes, they clung to her lashes. To see that felt like a knife had been thrust through my heart, I gently pulled away from her, disgusted at how I must be confusing her, giving her false hope that we're still together. I hate to hurt her, I despise myself for hurting her, but I know she can do better. Her eyes are still closed and her hands are still either side of my neck. I wiped away the tears that hung on her cheek and said 'I'm sorry, I think I'd better go'. Her eyes snapped open.


	9. Desperation

Never Think Part 9

**Hey everyone, it's Lexi. The end is nigh, but reviews are really motivating =D. Thank you for taking the time to read this, it means a lot. Here's part 9. Enjoy xxx**

Bella

Our kiss ended and I felt him brush my cheek with his thumb, I was too afraid to open my eyes in case he disappeared. I was living in a dream where the previous conversation hadn't occurred and we were just holding each other to show passion for how in love we were; stupid girl. I told myself. Stupid, pathetic girl. Edward had brought me back to Earth with a snap! 'I'm sorry, I think I'd better go' he'd said. Of course he still wanted to go. That kiss was probably just his way of saying good-bye; Good-bye. The finality of the word clicked something into place in my head and before I knew it, I was begging. 'Edward please-please don't go, I'm sorry, just….please don't go'. His face crumpled in pain as I said these words, but they weren't changing his mind. 'Baby, please, I'm begging you, I don't want you to go…' Tears started in his own eyes but he blinked them back, shiny emerald eyes, eyes of an angel. I begged to see love in them again, I'd give anything.

Edward

She was begging me to stay. My heart was breaking as I told her 'no'. She tried again, 'Is it something I did? I'll apologise, I promise. Just please…' I couldn't handle it, how could she possibly be the problem? We just weren't right for each other, everybody thought the same. She could do better, she needed to know that she could do so much better, but I couldn't bring myself to say it. 'I love you' she said. My heart was being torn apart, my eyes were stinging, my Adam's apple felt lodged in my throat, she was still holding onto me, as though I was a life raft. 'Bella, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry' I tried again, her eyes were filling with fresh tears, the chocolate colour of her eyes swam. I took her arms from around my neck, I kissed her forehead, then walked away; hating myself; damning myself to hell, wondering if I was making a huge mistake. I'm not sure if it was the wind, my imagination, or real, but I could've sworn I heard a soft, broken voice behind me whisper 'Edward….Edward….good -bye Edward' with my back turned, I didn't even try to prevent the tears leaking from my eyes. I let them fall. The very last sign that my heart would never be the same again.


	10. Farewell's and song titles

Never Think Part 10

**Hey guys, here are the final pages of 'Never Think'. Thank you so much for your reviews '****twilightgal4life****' and '****sunshinebee****' I hope you enjoy this chapter =D .x.x.x.**

Bella

I clung to him, I couldn't let him go. He was the only thing keeping me on my feet; without him my life would be a never-ending freefall, all I'd have to wait for would be when I hit the floor 'I love you' I said. I was pleading with my eyes for him to say it back, but all he did was examine the grass beneath our feet and say 'Bella, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry', before removing my unresisting arms. He hadn't said it back; he hadn't said it back, he didn't want me. So I let him go. His happiness was my priority, and I was being selfish. He deserved better, he would meet someone better and I would love and hate that person for giving him that. Edward was walking away from me without a backward glance. I knew he couldn't hear me, but as a final gesture I whispered 'Edward….Edward….goodbye Edward' to the wind, before my voice broke into a hoard of silent sobs. As soon as Edward was out of sight, I ran in the opposite direction into the forest. I waited a while, then ran home with tears streaming down my face. I bolted to my room, closed the door, dived onto my bed and confessed to my pillow, eventually exhausted, I fell asleep. What a day. Happy days and heart-broken nights.

Edward

I was in disbelief. My tears had stopped, now I just felt blissfully numb. At first, I'd go straight to bed when I got home, but I knew that'd be an invitation for haunting dreams of beautiful brown-eyed, mahogany-haired girls begging me to stay with them, as I told them 'no'. I shuddered at the thought, so instead, I turned to my piano and began writing a new song that I hoped would capture the day and allow me to express it without the need to explain myself. My piano never questioned me. I entitled the song "Never Think".


	11. Lyrics

Never Think Part 11-Lyrics

Performed by Robert Pattinson

I should never think, what's in your heart

What's in our home, so I won't

And you'll learn to hate me

But you still call me 'Baby'

Oh love

Just call me by my name

Oh, save your soul, save your soul

Before you're too far gone

Before nothing can be done

I'll try to decide when

She'll lie in the end

I aint got no fight in me

In this whole damn world

To tell you to hold off

You choose to hold on

It's the one thing that I've known

And I'm slipping my coat on

I'm coming out of this all wrong

She stands outside and holds me

She says 'oh please, I'm in love,

I'm in love'

Girl, save your soul, oh

Save your soul

Before you're too far gone

And before nothing can be done

Without me, you've got it all,

So hold on

Without me, you've got it all,

So hold on

Without me, you've got it all,

So hold on

Without me, you've got it all,

So hold on

Without me, you've got it all,

So hold on

Without me, you've got it all,

So hold on.

**Here endeth 'Never Think' thank you for reading, if I have gotten any of the lyrics wrong please let me know, there are many sources with different results. Lotsa love Lexi .x.x.x**


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